Roughing it.

Today was rough.  And by that I mean I had a crappy attitude from the moment I woke up, so of course my kids got on my nerves.  It took a lot of my strength to get out of my head about things and shift to a more constructive attitude.  It took all of my strength to get perspective in those moments when your knee jerk reaction wants to scream JERK!! There were more areas of weakness than strength today for me though.  Meaning when one child was not listening to me and making the other one cry, I yelled to make them stop.  Too often I find myself saying exactly this: ‘STOP YELLING, YOU DON’T NEED TO BE YELLING THAT LOUDLY’ (in case the caps weren’t clear, I YELL this) It’s stupid. I know it when it’s happening, and sometimes I catch myself and sometimes I don’t.  And I apologize to my kids immediately.  They must think I’m crazy.  I hope they don’t.

It was just one of those days.  And I am an asshole for complaining about this.  Because the reality is: I have 3 healthy children, I get to spend every day with them, they make me laugh (when I allow myself to slip out of disciplinarian mode and into the moment) and I have a husband who is supportive and loving and incredibly helpful and who I am head over heels in love with.  How dare I rant about how my 2 1/2 year old won’t listen to me?  The truth is, she does listen…more often than not they are all great listeners.  And I am a terrible mother.  Or at least I feel like it after a day like today.  Which is why I needed to go into our iPhoto and look at old pictures of the girls…how could I be so mad at such sweet little monkeys?  I’m feeling more and more like a craphead the more I type, so I’ll stop.  Thanks for indulging me in my rants and melodrama.  As a token of my appreciation, here are some of the pics I was browsing through after the girls were sound asleep…