© 2012 Jo. All rights reserved.

Parents just don’t understand.

I have to believe that being a parent is making me a better person.  Although half the time my kids make me feel like a total asshole.  Scratch that, no one can make you feel anything.  But I do feel like I could put a little more effort into my answers to their whiny questions.  They come at me with requests (in the form of whines), demands (in the form of whines) and I find myself answering them with a twinge of sarcasm or scorn a good amount of the time.  They’re at an age now where they can pick up on that tone in my voice.  I need to stop before they turn out to be crappy people.

As a parent, for me at least, the worst of me comes to the surface quickly and often.  There are SO many opportunities to lose my shit, and in turn so many opportunities not to lose it.  Usually I lose it.  Then I apologize.  Then I feel bad some more.

When I don’t lose it, I give myself a quick pat on the back, then lose it when they don’t appreciate what I’ve just done: chosen the high road.  It’s an injustice I’m having a hard time letting go of.  I don’t feel appreciated by them.  I don’t feel like they get how hard I work.  I don’t think they will until they have kids of their own.  Am I asking too much?  Of course I am.  They are tiny human beings who know nothing at this point (comparatively) and who I should really appreciate more.

SO….I’m gonna zen out.  It’s time to let go.  I’m committing to that now, before I get committed.  There, done!  I figured it out, the meaning of life.  How not to be mean, and be the best possible parent and human being ever.  Done and done.  I’m ready for the next baby now.

Update:  Since posting this, I’ve lost my shit 4 times.  In one day.  This parenting thing is not zen.  This is parent is not zen.  But I’m going to try again tomorrow, maybe after a good night’s sleep it’ll be easier?  And then it’ll be harder, and then easier, and then harder again…

Let me just reflect on the 3 sweet girls I have, with some recent pics of the 3 of them, having fun moments together:

Enjoying a strawberry ice cream break during our busy afternoon of organizing and making messes…

From our trip to Cape Cod a couple of weeks ago…





One Comment

  1. MB

    this cracks me up, I love your honesty! and something tells me those girls are having a blast despite a yip and yap here and there…

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